"From Daniel H. Pink, the #1 New York Times-bestselling author of When and Drive, a new book about the transforming power of that crucial and misunderstood emotion, regret. "Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, it is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human," Daniel H. Pink writes in his provocative and eye-opening new book. "Done right, it needn't bring us down; it can lift us up." Drawing from new research in social psychology, neuroscience, biology, and more, as well as from more than ten thousand people in thirty-five countries around the world who responded to his World Regret Survey-the largest of its kind ever conducted-Pink challenges the idea of regret being a drag on our self-esteem and outlook. In fact, understanding how regret actually works and using those insights to reframe our perspective of it will help us reclaim regret as an indispensable emotion that can help us make smarter decisions, perform better at work and school, and bring greater meaning to our lives. As he did in his other paradigm-changing books When, Drive, and A Whole New Mind, Pink sets down a dynamic new way of thinking about regret and frames his ideas in ways that are clear, accessible, and pragmatic. Packed with true stories of people's regrets as well as practical takeaways for reimagining regret as a positive force in your own life, this book shows how we can live richer, more engaged lives-with no regrets"--
Table of Contents
Part One REGRET RECLAIMED
1 The Life-Thwarting Nonsense of No Regrets
"Regret is not dangerous or abnormal, a deviation from the steady path to happiness. It is healthy and universal, an integral part of being human. Regret is also valuable. It clarifies. It instructs. Done right, it needn't drag us down; it can lift us up"
2 Why Regret Makes Us Human
"In other words, the inability to feel regret---in some sense, the apotheosis of what the `no regrets' philosophy encourages---wasn't an advantage. It was a sign of brain damage"
3 At Leasts and If Onlys
"Two decades of research on counterfactual thinking exposes an oddity: thoughts about the past that make us feel better are relatively rare, while thoughts that make us feel worse are exceedingly common. Are we all self-sabotaging masochists?"
4 Why Regret Makes Us Better
"Don't dodge emotions. Don't wallow in them either. Confront them. Use them as a catalyst for future behavior. If thinking is for doing, feeling can help us think"
Part Two REGRET REVEALED
5 Regret on the Surface
"Human life spreads across multiple domains---we're parents, sons, daughters, spouses, partners, employees, bosses, students, spenders, investors, citizens, friends, and more. Why wouldn't regret straddle domains, too?"
6 The Four Core Regrets
"What's visible and easy to describe---the realms of life such as family, education, and work---is far less significant than a hidden architecture of human motivation and aspiration that lies beneath it"
7 Foundation Regrets
"Foundation regrets begin with an irresistible lure and end with an inexorable logic"
8 Boldness Regrets
"At the heart of all boldness regrets is the thwarted possibility of growth. The failure to become the person---happier, braver, more evolved---one could have been. The failure to accomplish a few important goals within the limited span of a single life"
9 Moral Regrets
"Deceit. Infidelity. Theft. Betrayal. Sacrilege. Sometimes the moral regrets people submitted to the surveys read like the production notes for a Ten Commandments training video"
10 Connection Regrets
"What gives our lives significance and satisfaction are meaningful relationships. But when those relationships come apart, whether by intent or inattention, what stands in the way of bringing them back together are feelings of awkwardness. We fear that we'll botch our efforts to reconnect, that we'll make our intended recipients even more uncomfortable. Yet these concerns are almost always misplaced"
11 Opportunity and Obligation
"The four core regrets operate as a photographic negative of the good life. If we know what people regret the most, we can reverse that image to reveal what they value the most"
Part Three REGRET REMADE
12 Undoing and At Leasting
"But with regrets of action, I still have the chance to recalibrate the present---to press Ctrl + z on my existential keyboard"
13 Disclosure, Compassion, and Distance
"Following a straightforward three-step process, we can disclose the regret, reframe the way we view it and ourselves, and extract a lesson from the experience to remake our subsequent decisions"
14 Anticipating Regret
"As a universal drug, anticipated regret has a few dangerous side effects"
Coda. Regret and Redemption 207 (6)
Acknowledgments 213 (2)
Notes 215 (16)